insteadofwords | (no subject)

He watches the way her face changes while her attention isn't on him, and he feels irrationally guilty for even bringing it up.

"A whole lot that basically boiled down to all of the nasty things that he'll do to me if I ever hurt you. Which I don't intend to do by the way," he says. "Because we're friends, right? I thought we were okay."

“Oh. My God,” Rapunzel replies, feeling her cheeks flush with embarrassment. She loves Sweeney so much, and he probably meant well, but right now she kind of wants to climb him and get her hands around his giant neck.

“I— I don’t know why he did that,” she tells him, and then wrinkles her nose guiltily. “Okay, I do know, but he shouldn’t have. We’re okay. Why wouldn’t we be okay?”

Her mind goes back to that aborted kiss and she bites her lip, face falling a bit. “Sweeney is just very protective of me, Keys. He’s been there for me through a lot of hurt.”

He knows what happened with the boyfriend she lost and, honestly, he can understand that Sweeney just wants to protect her. He's known her for barely a month and he still absolutely gets that impulse.

"I... Got ahead of myself before. I read you wrong." He frowns, looking away from her. "I'll never do anything that makes you uncomfortable again, Rapunzel, okay? I promise."

“No, no.” Rapunzel makes a small distressed sound and gets up on her knees, holding the phone with both hands as her ponytail spills over her shoulder.

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable. Please don’t think that,” she says, lower lip wobbling a bit. “I— I only pulled away because I got scared. I didn’t feel ready.”

She shakes her head a little and puts her hand on her face, rubbing at her eyes. “I was a lot of things but— but I wasn’t uncomfortable, Keys.”

"Shit. Don't cry. I'm sorry." His heart aches looking at her, his free hand curling into a helpless fist. "If it helps I..." He frowns again, cheeks flushing. "I only tried to kiss you in the first place because..." His stomach lurches sickly but he also can't stand that look on her face. "Because I like you, okay? I... Really like you." He swallows. "But. I've done this before, okay? I'm great at this and.. If you just want me to be your friend? That is more than enough for me, I promise."

“I’m not gonna cry,” she tells him, but it’s too late. Her lip quivers and her breath catches at his confession, and a set of fat tears spill over and roll down her cheeks. He’s so achingly sweet, and she knows that she could get hurt again so badly.

“I told Sweeney about you because I— I like you, too. And I wasn’t expecting to like someone again, and I needed advice,” she tells him, then lets out a frustrated huff and looks at the screen pleadingly.

“Can you come over?” She asks him, sniffling a bit. “I know it’s late but I don’t want to talk about this when your face is only two inches tall.”

She's barely finished asking before he's flipping to the ride-sharing app on his phone and ordering a car. At this time of night, there's a free one a couple of minutes away.

"I've got a car on the way," he says. "I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"

He doesn't think too hard about what she's just told him. He can't, yet. He just needs to get to where she is.

“Okay, good. Thank you,” she breathes out, smiling a little at how sweet and reassuring he’s being.

This is dangerous. It’s risky, and she could get her heart broken again, but what kind of life would she have if she never took a risk again?

“I’ll make tea,” she says with a nervous laugh, pushing her hair back from her face as she gets to her feet, suddenly full of restless energy. Pascal is staring at her from the back of the sofa with a wary look on his face, but she knows it’s just because he’s protective of her, just like Sweeney. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

"Tea sounds good," he says. "I'll be right there, okay?"

After he hangs up, he grabs a sweatshirt, tugs on socks and sneakers. He makes sure he's got his keys and his phone and then he goes downstairs. The car is pulling up as he steps outside and, still, it feels like an interminably long time before he's jogging up the steps and knocking Rapunzel's door.

“I know,” Rapunzel says to Pascal once the call ends, leaning over the sofa to press a kiss the scaly top of his head. He saw the worst of it after Peter disappeared, laid with her while she cried and cried, so it’s no surprise that he’s nervous, too. “I think he might be worth the risk.”

He huffs and nuzzles against her cheek, then hops up onto her shoulder so she can go into the kitchen. She busies herself with filling the kettle and putting it on the stove, then taking some cookies out of the pantry. She makes a little plate of fruit and mealworms for Pascal, putting down in his private little nook in an empty cupboard. He grumbles a little bit goes easily, climbing into his little hammock and snatching a grape with his tongue.

“I love you,” she tells him, and he squeaks it right back at her. She smiles at him and pours water into mugs, dropping a tea bag into each just as there’s a knock at her door. She swallows hard and takes a breath, patting at her cheeks before going over to answer it. She’s still in a white tank top and purple sleep pants, but it’s too late to change, now.

“Hi,” she says as she opens the door, looking at him almost shyly. “Come in.”

"Hi."

Despite his best efforts, he still looks like a guy who was in bed half an hour ago. Reflexively, he pushes a hand into his hair, combing it to one side as he steps into the apartment.

His hands itch to touch her, but he's already told himself that, in this, everything that happens is going to be guided by her. She likes him. It's enough.

Keys comes inside and Rapunzel shuts the door against the late night chill, shivering a bit as she turns to look at him. His hair is a charming mess, sticking up wildly in places, and she itches to get her fingers into it.

“Hi,” she says again, fidgeting a bit before giving into the urge to press up onto her toes and throw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly with her cheek pressed to his chest. “Thank you for coming. And I’m sorry that Sweeney scared you. If it makes you feel any better, he’s pretty much like that with everyone.”

She hugs him, her breasts pressed against him and, guiltily, he wishes he wasn't wearing a sweatshirt. He wraps his arms around her, squeezing her gently.

"Of course I came," he says. "And, honestly, I was more scared that I'd upset you than I was of him."

His heart is hammering in his chest. He tries to ignore it.

It’s a sweet thing to say, especially considering how intimidating Sweeney can be, and she gives him another squeeze before pulling away from him. Even though she doesn’t really want to.

“You didn’t upset me,” she assures him, shifting her hair back over one shoulder as she looks up at him. “I got upset, but it wasn’t your fault. I didn’t mean for you to feel like that.”

She gestures for him to go sit on the sofa and then goes to grab their tea, carrying them out and setting the mugs down nervously on the table. “Um, do you need sugar or anything? Oh, and I have cookies if you want.”

"It's okay. It's done. I'm here."

Dimly, he registers how she looks in what she's wearing and resolves to keep his eyes on her face. "The tea is fine. Just... just come and sit with me, okay?"

“You’re here,” she says, nodding a little and then smiling at him. He asks her to sit so she does, twisting her hair in her hands nervously as she comes around the coffee table to sit down next to him, her knee touching his as she twists a little to face him.

“I haven’t kissed anyone since Peter,” she blurts out, heart pounding as she stares at his face. “I never even thought about it and when you tried to kiss me, I just— I kind of freaked out. I should have explained myself or at least not ran out like that. I’m sorry.”

It all comes out of her in a rush and, after a moment, Keys shifts his hand and squeezes her knee gently, hoping that the touch is reassuring.

"Don't apologise for that," he says, gently. He takes his glasses off and hooks them over the neckline of his sweater. "You told me about him. I should have been more thoughtful."

His hand goes to her knee and she places her own on top of it, squeezing as she meets his gaze and gives him a watery smile.

“No, it’s okay,” she assures him, patting his hand before reaching up to rub quickly under her eye. “I just— I needed to process some things that I hadn’t really confronted yet.”

She bites her lip and looks at him thoughtfully, trying to decide on the right thing to say. “It wasn’t the wrong thing. Maybe just the wrong moment.”

But there will be other moments, she hopes.

It takes him a moment to parse what she's said, but then he nods, a bright smile spreading across his face. He ducks his head, reaching for his tea.

"Pretty sure that other moments can be arranged," he says.

“Yeah?” She asks hopefully, feeling her cheeks lift as she grins. There are butterflies in her stomach and while she still misses Peter fiercely, it’s nice to feel like that again.

“I just— I need to know that you understand that I’m still healing,” she says, because she knows that it’s important to be honest. “He’s always going to be important to me, even though he’s not here anymore. And— and if that’s too much, I totally get it.”

She’s babbling nervously and she reaches up to wipe at her eyes again, since she can’t seem to stop tears from welling up. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

"I don't think I either," he admits, squeezing her knee again as he takes a sip of his tea. "I...Believe me, I understand that. Back home. There's...somebody. We're not together. We're never going to be together. But I've loved her since I was like...nineteen, and she's always going to be important to me. So. I guess neither of us are coming into this with a clean slate." He tilts his head and, for a moment, he lets himself take in the whole of her.

"That's alright with me if it is with you."

As Keys talks about this girl he loves, Rapunzel listens intently and nods along, finding herself feeling almost relieved, like a weight has been lifted. It’s a sad story, him never able to be with her, but Rapunzel is relieved because that means that he understands. He won’t fault her for reserving a piece of her heart for someone else, because he’s doing the same.

“It’s the girl you made the game with, right?” Rapunzel asks with a sympathetic smile, thinking back to that conversation now that she has this information, and it seems obvious.

Her smile widens a bit and she rests her hand on top of his again, sliding it up to curl loosely around his wrist. “It’s alright with me.”

"Her name's Millie. Mills." He wonders his obvious he is, that she was able to put it together that easily. The only other person who's ever managed that is Moira, his big sister."

She touches him again and Keys feels his face get warm. It's not from the tea.

"So what do we do now?" he asks.

“You were just so… lit up when you were talking about it.” Rapunzel explains, thumbing at the soft skin at the inside of his wrist. “At the time, I thought it was just the game you were so passionate about, but she seemed like a good guess.”

It feels like a weight has been lifted, like some of the pressure has been taken off of her, and she laughs at the question, cheeks pink as she shrugs.

“I have no idea,” she says with a giggle. “What so you want to do?”

The touch is barely there, but he can feel it all over his skin anyway. Now that they're here, on the edge of something, he feels a little dizzy with it.

"Honestly? I'd like to kiss you again, but I'm also absolutely happy to wait for, like, a formal invitation."